-*-
42
帕斯卡莱的忧虑让她受不了。他开着车子送莉拉回家,一路上不停地问:
Pasquale’s worried tone exasperated her.
? As he was driving home he asked her:
“阿尔曼多怎么说,你没事儿吧?”
“What did Armando say, how are you?”
“我很好,我应该多吃一点。”
“Fine, I should eat more.”
“你看到了吧,你是不注意自己的身体。”
“You see, you don’t take care of
? yourself.”
莉拉很不耐烦地说:
Lila burst out:?
“帕斯卡,你不是我父亲,你也不是我哥哥,你谁都不是,你别管我。你搞清楚了吗?”
“Pasquà, you’re not my father, you’re not
? my brother, you’re no one. Leave me alone, get it?”
“我不能关心一下你吗?”
“I can’t be worried about you?”
“不能,你要当心你说的话,你做的事,尤其是在恩佐跟前。假如你跟他说,我今天发病的事儿——这也不是发病,我只是有点儿头晕——我们之间的友情就算完了。”
“No, and be careful what you do and say,
? especially with Enzo. If you tell him I was ill—and it’s not true, I was only
? dizzy—you risk ruining our friendship.”
“你别急着去找索卡沃,先休息两天吧。卡波尼也不建议你马上去,委员会也不建议你现在去,这是一个政治时机的问题。”
“Take two sick days and don’t go to
? Soccavo: Capone advised you against it and the committee advised against it,
? it’s a matter of political expediency.”
“我才不管什么政治时机不政治时机的:是你们给我惹了麻烦,现在我想怎么做就怎么做。”
“I don’t give a damn about political
? expediency: you’re the one who got me in trouble and now I’ll do as I like.”
她甚至都没有邀请他上楼去坐坐,他很恼怒地回家了。回到家里,莉拉和詹纳罗亲昵了一会儿,然后就开始做晚饭,一边等着恩佐回来,她一直觉得气短。左等右等,恩佐一直没有回来,她就先让詹纳罗吃了,她很担心恩佐是去找女人了,所以回家晚了。这时候,她看到孩子把一杯水打翻了,她马上就失去了所有耐心,还有柔情蜜意,她开始用方言骂孩子,就好像他是一个大人:“你能安生一会儿吗?你是不是要我扇你几巴掌?为什么你要这样折磨我?你想要毁掉我的生活?”
She didn’t invite him to come in and he
? went away angry. Once at home, Lila cuddled Gennaro, made dinner, waited for
? Enzo. Now it seemed to her that she was constantly short of breath. Since
? Enzo was late, she fed Gennaro; she was afraid it was one of those evenings
? when he was seeing women and would return in the middle of the night. When
? the child spilled a glass of water, the caresses stopped, and she yelled at
? him as if he were an adult, in dialect: Will you hold still a moment, I’ll
? hit you, why do you want to ruin my life
正好这时候恩佐回来了,她尽力想做出一副热情的样子,但他们一起吃饭时,莉拉觉得很难下咽,感觉食物都卡在胸口。詹纳罗刚一睡着,他们就开始学习苏黎世的函授课程,但是恩佐很快就累了,有好几次,他都很礼貌地提出想去睡觉,但没有用,莉拉一直坚持到了很晚。她很害怕自己一个人在房间里,会出现之前的症状。她担心一个人待在黑暗里,她没有告诉阿尔曼多的那些症状,会马上浮现。所有症状一起出现,会要了她的命。恩佐轻声问她:
Just then Enzo returned, and she tried to
? be nice. They ate, but Lila had the impression that the food was struggling
? to get to her stomach, that it was scratching her chest. As soon as Gennaro
? fell asleep, they turned to the installments of the Zurich course, but Enzo
? soon got tired, and tried, politely, to go to bed. His attempts were vain,
? Lila kept going until it was late, she was afraid of shutting herself in her
? room, she feared that as soon as she was alone in the dark the symptoms she
? hadn’t admitted to Armando would appear, all together, and kill her. He asked
? her softly:
“告诉我,你怎么了?”
“Will you tell me what’s wrong?”
“没什么。”
“Nothing.”
“你和帕斯卡莱一起出去,一起回来。为什么?你们有什么秘密?”
“You come and go with Pasquale, why, what
? secrets do you have?”
“都是工会的事情,我已经加入了工会,现在我要做一些事情。”
“It’s things to do with the union, he
? made me join and now I have to take care of them.”
恩佐做了一个失望的表情,她问:
Enzo looked disheartened, and she asked:
“怎么了?”
“What’s wrong?”
“帕斯卡莱跟我说了你在工厂里做的事情。你把这件事情跟他,还有委员会的人都说了。为什么我是唯一不能知道的人?”
“Pasquale told me what you’re doing in
? the factory. You told him and you told the people on the committee. Why am I
? the only one who doesn’t deserve to know?”
莉拉一下变得很烦躁,她站起来去了厕所。帕斯卡莱还是没忍住,他跟恩佐到底说了什么?他是不是只提到了工会要在索卡沃工厂里搞活动的事儿?会不会也提到了吉诺,还有她在法院路快要晕倒的事儿?他没办法保持沉默,男人之间的友谊有一些原则,虽然没有写在纸上,但很坚固,和女人之间的友谊是不一样的。她拉了水箱的链子,回到了恩佐身边,说:
Lila became agitated, she got up, she
? went to the bathroom. Pasquale hadn’t held out. What had he toldOnly about
? the union seed that she wanted to plant at Soccavo or also about Gino, about
? her not feeling well at Via dei TribunaliHe hadn’t been able to stay
? silent—friendship between men had its unwritten but inviolable pacts, not
? like that between women. She flushed the toilet, returned to Enzo and said:
“帕斯卡莱是个叛徒。”
“Pasquale is a spy.”
“帕斯卡莱是一个朋友。你是什么人呢?”
“Pasquale is a friend. Whereas you, what
? are you?”
他的语气很伤人,她忽然间沦陷了,简直有些出乎意料,她眼里充满了泪水,她拼命地想咽下眼泪,但她做不到,这种突如其来的脆弱让她感到很屈辱。
His tone hurt, she gave in unexpectedly,
? suddenly. Her eyes filled with tears and she tried in vain to push them back,
? humiliated by her own weakness.
“我已经给你惹了很多麻烦,我不想再麻烦你了,”她哭着说,“我很害怕你打发我走。”她擤了一下鼻子,最后小声说:“我可以和你一起睡吗?”
“I don’t want to make more trouble for
? you than I already have,” she sobbed, “I’m afraid you’ll send me away.” Then
? she blew her nose and added in a whisper: “Can I sleep with you?”
恩佐用难以置信的目光看着她说:
Enzo stared at her, in disbelief.
“怎么睡?”
“Sleep how?”
“你想怎样就怎样。”
“However you want.”
“你真想和我一起睡吗?”
“And do you want it?”
莉拉盯着一把放在桌子中间的水壶,那是詹纳罗非常喜欢的水壶,因为上面有一个母鸡的脑袋:
Lila gazed at the water pitcher in the
? middle of the table, with its comical rooster’s head: Gennaro liked it. She
? whispered:
“最要紧的是,你要让我待在你身边。”
“The crucial thing is for you to hold me
? close.”
恩佐很不高兴地摇了摇头。
Enzo shook his head unhappily.
“你不想要我。”
“You don’t want me.”
“我想要你,但我现在没有感觉。”
“I want you, but I don’t feel anything.”
“你对我没有感觉吗?”
“You don’t feel anything for me?”
“你在说什么,我很爱你,我每天晚上都希望你来叫我,抱着我,但除了这个,我没想其他的。”
“What do you mean, I love you, and every
? night I wish you would call me and hold me close. But beyond that I don’t
? want anything.”
恩佐的脸色变得很苍白,那张俊朗的脸有些扭曲,就好像在承受一种难以承受的痛苦。他进一步问:
Enzo turned pale, his handsome face was
? contorted as if by an intolerable grief, and he observed:
“我让你觉得恶心吗?”
“I disgust you.”
“不是,不是这样的。我们可以做你想要做的,马上开始都可以,我已经准备好了。”
“No, no, no, let’s do what you want,
? right away, I’m ready.”
他脸上有一丝悲伤的微笑,他沉默了一会儿。后来他不忍心让她不安,就嘀咕了一句:“我们去睡觉吧。”
He had a desolate smile, and was silent
? for a while. Then he couldn’t bear her anxiety, he muttered: “Let’s go to
? bed.”
“每个人回自己的房间?”
“Each in our own room?”
“不,去我房间。”
“No, in my bed.”
莉拉松了一口气,她换上了睡衣,冷得瑟瑟发抖,到他房间时,他已经在床上了。
Lila, relieved, went to get undressed.
? She put on her nightgown, went to him trembling with cold. He was already in
? bed.
“我睡这边?”
“I’ll go here?”
“好。”
“All right.”
她一下子钻到了被窝里,头靠在他的肩膀上,一条胳膊搭在他的胸口上。恩佐待在那儿一动不动,她马上感觉到他散发出来一股强烈的热度。
She slid under the covers, rested her
? head on his shoulder, put an arm around his chest. Enzo remained motionless;
? she felt immediately that he gave off a violent heat.
“我的脚很冷,”她说,“我可以挨着你的脚吗?”
“My feet are cold,” she whispered, “can I
? put them near yours?”
“可以。”
“Yes.”
“我抚摸你一下?”
“Can I caress you a little?”
“不用。”
“Leave me alone.”
慢慢地,她不再冷了,她胸口的疼痛消失了,她也没有了那种如鲠在喉的感觉,她沉浸在暖烘烘的昏沉里。
Slowly the cold disappeared. The pain in
? her chest dissolved, she forgot the grip on her throat, she gave in to the
? respite of his warmth.
“我可以睡了吗?”她累得已经有些迷糊了。
“Can I sleep?” she asked, dazed by
? weariness.
“睡吧。”
“Sleep.”
-*-
43
黎明时分她忽然惊醒,她的身体提醒她该起床了。忽然间,她心头涌起了很多糟糕的事情,都很清晰:自己可能得了心脏病,詹纳罗的退步,城区的法西斯分子,娜迪雅的逞能,帕斯卡莱的不可靠,还有她和工友提出的要求。只有在这时候,她才意识到,她是和恩佐一起睡的,但他已经不在床上了。她很快起来了,这时候,她听到房门关上的声音。恩佐是在她睡着后就起身的吗?他一个晚上都没合眼吗?他是和孩子在另一个房间睡的吗?或者说,他忘却了所有欲望,是和她一起睡的?当然,他一个人孤孤单单地吃了早餐,给她和詹纳罗把餐具都准备好了,他去上班了,一句话也没有说,心事重重地走了。
At dawn she started: her body reminded
? her that she had to wake up. Immediately, the terrible thoughts arrived, all
? very clear: her sick heart, Gennaro’s regressions, the fascists from the
? neighborhood, Nadia’s self-importance, Pasquale’s untrustworthiness, the list
? of demands. Only afterward did she realize that she had slept with Enzo, but
? that he was no longer in the bed. She rose quickly, in time to hear the door
? closing. Had he arisen as soon as she fell asleepHad he been awake all
? nightHad he slept in the other room with the childOr had he fallen asleep
? with her, forgetting every desireCertainly he had had breakfast alone and
? had left the table set for her and Gennaro. He had gone to work, without a
? word, keeping his thoughts to himself.
莉拉把儿子托付给邻居,也跑去上班了。
Lila, too, after taking her son to the
? neighbor, hurried to the factory.
“你决定了吗?”艾多有些不高兴地问她。
“So did you make up your mind?” Edo
? asked, a little sulkily.
“我想什么时候去就什么时候去。”莉拉又恢复了之前的语气。
“I’ll make up my mind when I like,” Lila
? answered, returning to her old tone of voice.
“我们是一起的,你要通知我们。”
“We’re a committee, you have to inform
? us.”
“你已经让大家都看了那个单子了吗?”
“Did you circulate the list?”
“是的。”
“Yes.”
“其他人都怎么说?”
“What do the others say?”
“不说话就是默认了。”
“Silence means consent.”
“不是,”她说,“不说话,就是吓尿了。”
“No,” she said, “silence means they’re
? shitting in their pants.”
卡波尼说得对,娜迪雅和阿尔曼多也是对的:这个行动太脆弱了,有些勉强。莉拉又非常投入地切起肉来,她想伤到别人,也想自残。她想把刀子插入自己的手心,她现在希望刀子从她手上的死肉滑到她的活肉上。她渴望叫喊,扑向其他人,让那些人为她的内心失衡负责。啊!莉娜·赛鲁罗,你真是屡教不改。你为什么要列出那个单子?你不愿意受剥削?你想改变自己和这些人的处境?你确信你和他们从这里开始,从你们现在的处境开始,可以和全世界的无产阶级团结起来,走上一条胜利的道路?你想多了!走上一条什么道路?成为什么样的人?一直都是工人?一天到晚埋头干活的工人?当家作主的工人?真是太天真了。话说得好听,最终还不是要干活。你也知道,你从小都知道,这种处境非常可怕,应该消除,而不是改善这一切。要通过改变处境,使自己变得更好吗?比如说,你变好了吗?你有没有成为娜迪雅,或者伊莎贝拉?你哥哥提高了吗?他有没有变成阿尔曼多?你儿子变得和马尔科一样了吗?没有,他们是他们,我们还是我们。那你为什么不认命呢?这都是因为你的脑子平静不下来,它一直都在转动:设计鞋子,想方设法建立起一家鞋子作坊,重写尼诺的文章,逼着他按照你的思路来,让恩佐和你一起,用你自己的方式,使用苏黎世函授课程的材料。现在,你想给娜迪雅展示出:假如她要搞革命,你要比她更革命。你的脑子,是的,最根本的原因在这里,因为你的脑子不满意,现在你的身体也垮了。她想:我对自己感到厌烦,我也厌烦这所有的一切。我对詹纳罗也感到厌烦:假如事情顺利的话,他的命运,让他也只能当个工人,为了多挣五个里拉,会在某个老板面前奴颜屈膝。那你该怎么办?赛鲁罗,你要承担起自己的责任,去实现你脑子里一直考虑的事:吓唬一下索卡沃,你要让他戒掉在风干室里搞女工的恶习。你要让他看看,你给这个长着狼脸的大学生准备了什么。那年夏天在伊斯基亚,饮料、弗里奥的房子、她和尼诺睡过的那张奢华的床,所有钱都来自这个地方,来自这个散发着恶臭的地方,还有在这恶心的环境中度过的日子,来自这廉价的劳动和辛苦。我切到了什么呢?从肉里淌出来一堆黄兮兮的东西,真让人恶心。这个世界在转动,事情会变,真好。如果落下去,就会摔碎。
Capone was right, also Nadia and Armando.
? It was a weak initiative, a forced effort. Lila worked at cutting the meat
? furiously, she had a desire to hurt and be hurt. To jab her hand with the
? knife, let it slip, now, from the dead flesh to her own living flesh. To
? shout, hurl herself at the others, make them all pay for her inability to
? find an equilibrium. Ah, Lina Cerullo, you are beyond correction. Why did you
? make that listYou don’t want to be exploitedYou want to improve your
? condition and the condition of these peopleYou’re convinced that you, and
? they, starting from here, from what you are now, will join the victorious
? march of the proletariat of the whole worldNo way. March to become what
? Now and forever workersWorkers who slave from morning to night but are
? empoweredNonsense. Hot air to sweeten the pill of toil. You know that it’s
? a terrible condition, it shouldn’t be improved but eliminated, you’ve known
? it since you were a child. Improve, improve yourselfYou, for example, are you
? improved, have you become like Nadia or IsabellaIs your brother improved,
? has he become like ArmandoAnd your son, is he like MarcoNo, we remain us
? and they are they. So why don’t you resign yourselfBlame the mind that
? can’t settle down, that is constantly seeking a way to function. Designing
? shoes. Getting busy setting up a shoe factory. Rewriting Nino’s articles,
? tormenting him until he did as you said. Using for your own purposes the
? installments from Zurich, with Enzo. And now demonstrating to Nadia that if
? she is making the revolution, you are even more. The mind, ah yes, the evil
? is there, it’s the mind’s discontent that causes the body to get sick. I’ve
? had it with myself, with everything. I’ve even had it with Gennaro: his fate,
? if all goes well, is to end up in a place like this, crawling to some boss
? for another five lire. SoSo, Cerullo, take up your responsibilities and do
? what you have always had in mind: frighten Soccavo, eliminate his habit of
? fucking the workers in the drying room. Show the student with the wolf face
? what you’ve prepared. That summer on Ischia. The drinks, the house in Forio,
? the luxurious bed where I was with Nino. The money came from this place, from
? this evil smell, from these days spent in disgust, from this poorly paid
? labor. What did I cut, hereA revolting yellowish pulp spurted out. The
? world turns but, luckily, if it falls it breaks.
在吃午饭的间隙,她做了决定。她对艾多说:“我去跟老板谈。”但她还没有来得及脱下围裙,老板的秘书就出现在剔骨室,对她说:
Right before the lunch break she made up
? her mind, she said to Edo: I’m going. But she didn’t have time to take off
? her apron, the owner’s secretary appeared in the gutting room to tell her:
“索卡沃先生让你马上去他的办公室。”
“Dottor Soccavo wants you urgently in the
? office.”
莉拉觉得,可能有内奸已经把她的行动告诉布鲁诺了。她放下工作,从小衣柜里拿出了那张请愿的单子,就上楼去了。她敲了敲办公室的门,进去了。房间里不仅仅有布鲁诺,还有一个人坐在沙发上,嘴里叼着一根烟,是米凯莱·索拉拉。
Lila thought that some spy had told Bruno
? what was coming. She stopped work, took the sheet of demands from the closet
? and went up. She knocked on the door of the office, and went in. Bruno was
? not alone in the room. Sitting in a chair, cigarette in his mouth, was
? Michele Solara.
-*-
44
她知道,米凯莱迟早都会再次出现在她的生活里,但在布鲁诺的办公室里看到他,这让她感到害怕,就像小时候,她害怕房子阴暗角楼里出现的幽灵。她想:他来这里干什么?我应该马上离开这里。但米凯莱看到她,就马上站了起来,他张开了双臂,看起来真的很激动。他用意大利语说:“莉娜,真荣幸啊!我真高兴看到你。”他想拥抱莉拉,假如她没用一个不由自主的厌恶动作挡住他,他一定会拥抱她。有几秒钟,米凯莱张着双臂站在那儿,有些尴尬,他用手摸了一下自己的颧骨和后脖子,用另一只手指着莉拉,对索卡沃说——这次是用了虚假的语气:
She had always known that Michele would
? sooner or later reappear in her life, but finding him in Bruno’s office
? frightened her like the spirits in the dark corners of the house of her
? childhood. What is he doing here, I have to get out of here. But Solara,
? seeing her, stood up, spread his arms wide, seemed genuinely moved. He said
? in Italian: Lina, what a pleasure, how happy I am. He wanted to embrace her,
? and would have if she hadn’t stopped him with an unconscious gesture of
? revulsion. Michele stood for some instants with his arms outstretched,
? therefore, in confusion, with one hand he caressed his cheekbone, his neck,
? with the other he pointed to Lila, this time speaking in an artificial tone:
“你看看,我真没法相信:你真的把卡拉奇太太藏在香肠厂里。”
“But really, I can’t believe it: right in
? the middle of the salamis, you were hiding Signora Carracci?”
莉拉用一种生硬的语气对布鲁诺说:
Lila turned to Bruno abruptly:
“我等一下再来。”
?“I’ll come back later.”
“你坐下!”布鲁诺阴着脸说。
“Sit down,” he said, darkly.
“我就想站着。”
“I prefer to stand.”
“坐下吧,要不然太累了。”
“Sit, you’ll get tired.”
她摇了摇头,还是站着,米凯莱对索卡沃意味深长地笑了一下:
She shook her head, remained standing,
? and Michele gave Bruno a smile of understanding:
“你放弃吧,她就是这样,从来都不听你的。”
“She’s made like that, resign yourself,
? she never obeys.”
莉拉觉得,米凯莱的声音要比之前更有力,他把每个字都说得很清楚,就好像最近这几年,他一直都在练发音。也许是为了节省力气,也许是为了不按他说的来,她改变了主意,坐了下来。米凯莱也坐了下来,一直对着她说话,就好像从那时候起,布鲁诺已经不在房间里了。米凯莱满脸客气,仔细地看着她,用一种惋惜的语气说:“你的手都毁了,真是遗憾,以前你当姑娘的时候,手是那么漂亮。”他聊起了马尔蒂里广场上的商店,讲得很详细,就好像莉拉还是他的员工,他们见面是为了谈论工作。他提到了店里的货架,新的灯光,还有他决定又一次把通往院子的门堵死了。莉拉想起了那道门,她用方言低声说:
To Lila it seemed that Solara’s voice had
? more power than in the past, he stressed the end of every word as if he had
? been practicing his pronunciation. Maybe to save her strength, maybe just to
? contradict him, she changed her mind and sat down. Michele also changed
? position, but so that he was turned completely toward her, as if Bruno were
? no longer in the room. He observed her carefully, affectionately, and said,
? in a tone of regret: your hands are ruined, too bad, as a girl you had such
? nice ones. Then he began to talk about the shop in Piazza dei Martiri in the
? manner of one imparting information, as if Lila were still his employee and
? they were having a work meeting. He mentioned new shelves, new light
? fixtures, and how he had had the bathroom door that opened onto the courtyard
? walled up again. Lila remembered that door and said softly, in dialect:
“你的商店关我屁事儿。”
“I don’t give a fuck about your shop.”
“你要说我们的商店:那是我们一起建起来的。”
“You mean our: we invented it together.”
“我从来没和你一起建过任何东西。”
“Together with you I never invented
? anything.”
米凯莱还在微笑,他摇了摇头,表示完全不能认同。他说,就像那些使用自己的双手和头脑的人一样,有人出钱,投资也是一种建设和创造,钱可以创造风景、形势还有人们的生活。你不知道有多少人,他们的幸福全在我的手上,只要我签一个字,他们要么会幸福,要么会毁掉。然后,他又平静地聊了起来,好像他们是好朋友,他很高兴跟她聊聊最近发生的事情。他从阿方索开始讲起,后者在马尔蒂里广场上干得不错,他现在赚得挺多的,可以建立起自己的家庭了,但阿方索不是很想结婚,他还是想让可怜的玛丽莎一直做他的女朋友,而自己想干什么干什么。作为老板,他鼓励阿方索结婚,稳定的家庭对于员工有好处,现在他提出要出钱给阿方索办婚礼,最后他们决定在六月举行婚礼。你看,他说,假如你当时继续为我工作,那就没有阿方索什么事儿,你要什么,我都会给你,你就会过得像女王一样。他没给莉拉说话的机会,他把烟灰弹到了一个铜质的老烟灰缸里,对她宣布说,他马上也要结婚了,也定在了六月,当然是和吉耀拉——他生命中的女人。他抱怨说:“很遗憾,我不能邀请你来,我倒是很乐意邀请你,但我不想让你丈夫尴尬。”他开始谈到了斯特凡诺、艾达还有他们的女儿。他说了他们一家三口的很多好话,又说现在两家肉食店已经不像之前了。卡拉奇他们家,他解释说,他们的父亲留下的钱没花完的时候,他们的日子还能凑合,但现在他们的生意岌岌可危,这已经有一段时间了,就像在一片动荡的海上,斯特凡诺的小船已经进水了,他已经撑不下去了。他的竞争对手越来越多了,不断有新的店铺开张。比如说马尔切洛,想要扩建已经过世的堂·卡罗的百货铺,想搞一家什么东西都卖的商店:肥皂、灯泡、香肠还有点心。马尔切洛已经开起来了,生意好得不得了,那家店铺叫“无所不有”。
Michele smiled again, shaking his head in
? a sign of mild dissent. Those who put in the money, he said, do and undo just
? the way those who work with their hands and their head do. Money invents
? scenarios, situations, people’s lives. You don’t know how many people I can
? make happy or ruin just by signing a check. And then he began chatting again,
? placidly; he seemed eager to tell her the latest news, as if they were two
? friends catching up. He began with Alfonso, who had done his job in Piazza
? dei Martiri well and now earned enough to start a family. But he had no wish
? to marry, he preferred to keep poor Marisa in the condition of fiancée for
? life and continued to do as he liked. So he, as his employer, had encouraged
? him, a regular life is good for one’s employees, and had offered to pay for
? the wedding celebration; thus, finally, in June the marriage would take
? place. You see, he said, if you had continued to work for me, rather than
? Alfonso, I would have given you everything you asked for, you would have been
? a queen. Then, without giving her time to answer, he tapped the ashes of his
? cigarette into an old bronze ashtray and announced that he, too, was getting
? married, also in June, and to Gigliola, naturally, the great love of his
? life. Too bad I can’t invite you, he complained, I would have liked to, but I
? don’t want to embarrass your husband. And he began to talk about Stefano,
? Ada, and their child, first saying nice things about all three, then pointing
? out that the two grocery stores weren’t doing as well as they used to. As
? long as his father’s money lasted, he explained, Carracci kept afloat, but
? commerce is a rough sea now, Stefano’s been shipping water for quite some
? time, he can’t manage things anymore. Competition, he said, had increased,
? new stores were constantly opening. Marcello himself, for example, had got it
? into his head to expand the late Don Carlo’s old store and transform it into
? one of those places where you can get anything, from soap to light bulbs,
? mortadella, and candy. And he had done it, the business was booming, it was
? called Everything for Everyone.
“你是在说,你和你哥哥让斯特凡诺日子也过不下去了?”
“You’re saying that you and your brother
? have managed to ruin Stefano, too?”
“话可不能这么说,莉娜,我们只是做我们的事儿,没别的想法,相反的,对于我们的朋友,假如我们能帮一把,我们是很愿意帮忙的。你猜猜,马尔切洛让谁在新商店里工作?”
“What do you mean ruin, Lina, we do our
? job and that’s all, in fact, when we can help our friends we help them
? happily. Guess who Marcello has working in the new store?”
“我不知道。”
“I don’t know.”
“你哥哥。”
“Your brother.”
“你们让里诺沦落成了你们的售货员?”
“You’ve reduced Rino to being your
? clerk?”
“是呀,你把他甩开了,小伙子要养活你父亲、你母亲,他有一个儿子,皮诺奇娅又怀孕了。他能怎么做呢?他去找马尔切洛,我哥哥就帮了他一把。你不高兴吗?”
“Well, you abandoned him, and that fellow
? is carrying all of them on his shoulders: your father, your mother, a child,
? Pinuccia, who’s pregnant again. What could he doHe turned to Marcello for
? help and Marcello helped him. Doesn’t that please you?”
莉拉冷冰冰地回答说:
Lila responded coldly:
“不,我一点都不高兴,你们做的任何事情,我都不喜欢。”
“No, it doesn’t please me, nothing you do
? pleases me.”
米凯莱做了一个很不悦的表情,他想起了布鲁诺,就说:
Michele appeared dissatisfied, and he
? remembered Bruno:
“你看到了吧,就像我刚才对你说的,她的问题在于脾气很坏。”
“You see, as I was telling you, her
? problem is that she has a bad character.”
布鲁诺很尴尬地笑了笑,他想表示认同。
Bruno gave an embarrassed smile that was
? meant to be conspiratorial.
“真是这样。”
“It’s true.”
“她的脾气也伤到你了吧?”
“Did she hurt you, too?”
“有点儿。”
“A little.”
“你知道,她还是个小姑娘的时候,曾经把一把裁皮子的刀子,架在我哥哥的脖子上,当时我哥有两个她那么高?那不是开玩笑,她当时差点儿动手了。”
“You know that she was still a child when
? she held a shoemaker’s knife to my brother’s throat, and he was twice her
? sizeAnd not as a joke, it was clear that she was ready to use it.”
“说真的吗?”
“Seriously?”
“是的。这个女人不得了,有勇气,有决心。”
“Yes. That girl has courage, she’s
? determined.”
莉拉紧紧握住拳头,对抗着身体的虚弱。房间在起伏,那些死的活的东西都在扩散。她看到米凯莱在烟灰缸里把烟掐灭了,他用了很大的力气,就好像尽管他用很平静的语气说话,他还是想发泄一下他的不自在。莉拉盯着他的手指,他的手指摁在烟屁股上,指甲有些发白。她想,米凯莱曾经想让自己成为他的情人,但这不是他真正想要的,他要的是别的东西,是和上床没有任何关系的东西,他自己也无法解释。他盯着莉拉不放,那就像一种迷信,也许他相信,我具有一种力量,这种力量对他来说是必不可少的。他想获得那种力量,但他没办法获取,他很痛苦,他没办法通过暴力手段从我这里抢去。是的,也许事情就是这样。假如事情不是这样,他已经把我弄死了。但是,为什么偏偏是我?他在我身上,看到了什么对他有用的东西?我不应该待在这里,在他眼皮底下,我不该听他说话,他看到的、他想要的东西都让我害怕。莉拉对索卡沃说:
Lila clenched her fists tightly. She
? detested the weakness she felt in her body. The room was undulating, the
? bodies of the dead objects and the living people were expanding. She looked
? at Michele, who was extinguishing the cigarette in the ashtray. He was
? putting too much energy into it, as if he, too, in spite of his placid tone,
? were giving vent to an uneasiness. Lila stared at his fingers, which went on
? squashing the butt, the nails were white. Once, she thought, he asked me to
? become his lover. But that’s not what he really wants, there’s something
? else, something that doesn’t have to do with sex and that not even he can
? explain. He’s obsessed, it’s like a superstition. Maybe he thinks that I have
? a power and that that power is indispensable to him. He wants it but he can’t
? get it, and it makes him suffer, it’s a thing he can’t take from me by force.
? Yes, maybe that’s it. Otherwise he would have crushed me by now. But why me
? What has he recognized in me that’s useful to himI mustn’t stay here, under
? his eyes, I mustn’t listen to him, what he sees and what he wants scares me.
? Lila said to Soccavo:
“我要走了,走之前要给你一样东西。”
“I’ve got something to leave for you and
? then I’ll go.”
她站了起来,要把那张请愿的单子给他,这个举动,对她来说是那么没意义,同时又那么必要。她想把那张纸放在桌上,放在烟灰缸旁边,然后从这个房间出去。但是米凯莱让她站住,现在,他的声音里充满了温情,几乎是一种讨好,就好像他已经感觉到了,莉拉想要躲开他,他想尽一切办法来吸引她,挽留她。他接着对索卡沃说:
She got up, ready to give him the list of
? demands, a gesture that seemed to her increasingly pointless and yet
? necessary. She wished to place the piece of paper on the table, next to the
? ashtray, and leave that room. But Michele’s voice stopped her. Now it was
? definitely affectionate, almost caressing, as if he had intuited that she was
? trying to get away from him and wanted to do everything possible to charm her
? and keep her. He continued speaking to Soccavo:
“你看,她脾气就是这么坏。我正在说话,她一点儿也不在乎,拿出一张纸,说她要走了。但我原谅她,因为她有很多优点,可以补偿她的坏脾气。你觉得自己仅仅是雇用了一个女工?不是这样的,这位太太不是一个简单的女工。假如你放手让她去干,她能把狗屎变成黄金,她能把你这个破摊子重新规整一下,达到你根本无法想象的水平。为什么?因为她不是一般女人的脑子,她的脑子就是我们这些男人也赶不上。她很小的时候,我就注意到她了,真是这样的。这女人设计的鞋子,到现在,我还在那不勒斯和外地卖着呢,我赚了很多钱。她把我在马尔蒂里广场的鞋店重新装修了一下,让那儿变成了基亚亚街、波西利波和沃美罗街上那些阔佬的沙龙。她还可以做很多很多其他事。但她很疯狂,觉得自己想做什么都可以,来了,去了,修理,打破。你以为是我把她解雇了?不是的,忽然有一天,她就不来上班了,若无其事地就不来了,就这样消失了。假如你逮住她,她还是会逃走,简直就是一条泥鳅。她的问题就在这里:尽管她非常聪明,但她不明白什么可以做,什么不能做。这是因为,她还没找到一个真正的男人。一个真正的男人会让女人正常起来。不会做饭?可以学。家里太脏了?打扫一下。一个真正的男人,可以让女人做任何事情。我举个例子,我前不久认识了一个女的,她不会吹口哨。好吧,我们在一起就待了两个小时——火热的两小时。我对她说:你现在吹口哨。她呢——你根本不会相信——她吹起了口哨。假如你会调教,女人就会乖乖的。假如你不会调教,那就算了,只能自己受罪。”他说最后那句话时,用的是一种非常严肃的语气,就好像在提出一个不容置疑的定论。但在他说话时,他就应该意识到,他自己也没有办法遵守自己提出的定论。这时候,他换了一个表情,声音也变了,他急切地需要凌辱她。他忽然转向莉拉,用一种越来越粗鲁的方言强调说:“但这个女人却很难对付,真他妈难摆平,你看看她的样子,眼睛小小的,奶子小小的,屁股也小小的,现在快瘦成一根扫把了。跟这样的一个女人,你能干什么,鸡巴挺都挺不起来,但只要一下,仅仅一下子:你看她一眼,就想上她。”
“You see, she really has a bad character.
? I’m speaking, but she doesn’t give a damn, she pulls out a piece of paper,
? says she wants to leave. But you forgive her, because she has many good
? qualities that make up for her bad character. You think you hired a worker
? It’s not true. This woman is much, much more. If you let her, she’ll change
? shit into gold for you, she’s capable of reorganizing this whole enterprise,
? taking it to levels you can’t even imagine. WhyBecause she has the type of
? mind that normally no woman has but also that not even we men have. I’ve had
? an eye on her since she was a child and it’s true. She designed shoes that I
? still sell today in Naples and outside, and I make a lot of money. And she
? renovated a shop in Piazza dei Martiri with such imagination that it became a
? salon for the rich people from Via Chiaia, from Posillipo, from the Vomero.
? And there are many—very many—other things she could do. But she has a crazy
? streak, she thinks she can always do what she wants. Come, go, fix, break.
? You think I fired herNo, one day, as if it were nothing, she didn’t come to
? work. Just like that, vanished. And if you catch her again, she’ll slip away
? again, she’s an eel. This is her problem: even though she’s extremely
? intelligent, she can’t understand what she can do and what she can’t. That’s
? because she hasn’t yet found a real man. A real man puts the woman in her
? place. She’s not capable of cookingShe learns. The house is dirtyShe
? cleans it. A real man can make a woman do everything. For example: I met a
? woman a while ago who didn’t know how to whistle. Well, we were together for
? two hours only—hours of fire—and afterward I said to her: Now whistle.
? She—you won’t believe it—whistled. If you know how to train a woman, good. If
? you don’t know how to train her, forget about her, you’ll get hurt.” He
? uttered these last words in a very serious tone, as if they summed up an
? irrefutable commandment. But even as he was speaking, he must have realized
? that he hadn’t been able, and was still unable, to respect his own law. So
? suddenly his expression changed, his voice changed, he felt an urgent need to
? humiliate her. He turned toward Lila with a jolt of impatience and said
? emphatically, in a crescendo of obscenities in dialect: “But with her it’s
? difficult, it’s not so easy to kiss her off. And yet you see what she looks
? like, she has small eyes, small tits, a small ass, she’s just a broomstick.
? With someone like that what can you do, you can’t even get it up. But an
? instant is enough, a single instant: you look at her and you want to fuck
? her.”
这时候,莉拉感觉脑子里有一阵疯狂的撞击,就好像她的心脏,不是在她嗓子眼跳动,而是在她的头骨里炸开了。她大声骂了起来,用的话比米凯莱还肮脏,她从书桌上抓起那个铜烟灰缸,烟屁股和烟灰撒得到处都是,她想用烟灰缸打他。但尽管她很生气,但她的动作很慢,没有力气,布鲁诺的声音——“莉娜,拜托了,你在干什么”——听起来也有气无力的。因此米凯莱很容易就阻止了她,他从她手上夺下了烟灰缸,怒气冲冲地说:
It was at that point that Lila felt a
? violent bump inside her head, as if her heart, instead of hammering in her
? throat, had exploded in her skull. She yelled an insult at him no less
? obscene than the words he had uttered, she grabbed from the desk the bronze
? ashtray, spilling out butts and ashes, and tried to hit him. But the gesture,
? in spite of her fury, was slow, powerless. And even Bruno’s voice—Lina,
? please, what are you doing—passed through her slowly. So maybe for that
? reason Solara stopped her easily and easily took away the ashtray, saying to
? her angrily:
“你觉得自己可以依仗索卡沃先生?你觉得我在这里不算什么?你搞错了。索卡沃先生上了我母亲的红本子,这已经有一段时间了。这个红本子比毛语录还要重要,因此你不是靠着他,你是靠着我,你一直都是靠着我,只靠着我。到现在为止,我对你放任自流,我想看看,你和你那个朋友,你们他妈能做出什么事儿。但你现在要记住,我盯着你的,如果我需要,你得马上来,明白吗?”
“You think you work for Dottor Soccavo
? You think I’m no one hereYou are mistaken. Dottor Soccavo has been in my
? mother’s red book for quite some time, and that book is a lot more important
? than Mao’s little book. So you don’t work for him, you work for me, you work
? for me and only me. And so far I’ve let you, I wanted to see what the fuck
? you were driving at, you and that shit you sleep with. But from now on
? remember that I have my eyes on you and if I need you, you better come
? running, got that?”
只有在这时候,布鲁诺非常焦急地站了起来,说了一句:
Only then Bruno jumped to his feet
? nervously and exclaimed:
“放开她,米凯!你有些过分了。”
“Leave her, Michè, you’re going too far.”
索拉拉轻轻地放开了莉拉的手腕,然后对着索卡沃,用意大利嘟囔了一句:
Solara let go of Lila’s wrist, then he
? muttered, addressing Soccavo, again in Italian:
“你说得对,对不起,但卡拉奇太太有这种能力:她总是能让你表现得很夸张。”
“You’re right, sorry. But Signora
? Carracci has this ability: one way or another she always compels you to go
? too far.”
莉拉强压着自己的怒火,她仔细地搓了搓手腕,用手指尖弹开了落在她身上的一点烟灰,然后把那张写着请求的纸在布鲁诺眼前摊开。她出去的时候,对着索拉拉说:
Lina repressed her fury, she rubbed her
? wrist carefully, with the tip of her finger she wiped off some ash that had
? fallen on it. Then she unfolded the piece of paper with the demands, she
? placed it in front of Bruno, and as she was going to the door she turned to
? Solara, saying:
“我五岁时就会吹口哨。”
“I’ve known how to whistle since I was
? five years old.”