在Moodys我把这些Edits记在 公司个人Confluence主页上，layoff时全部拿不回来了，当时心疼得不行，就象自己的小BB突然走失再也找不回来。现在公司，Manager Martin特别Nice, 在每周1:1 meetings上给我做现场Editing。他会朗读出来，然后告诉我要修改哪里，原因是什么。通过现场交流，受益很多。
通过实例学习，从错误中学习是最生动&高效的学习方式。分享在此，持续定新，同时，也便于我自己定期回顾。
Before: Include files to the shared store
After: Include files in the shared store.
Comment: Include is a static word and can't be used with a dynamic preposition.?
Tip: Grammarly can flag this issue.?
Before:?its machines are?just?powered off andleft for Autoscale to power them on.
After:?its machines are?only powered off andleft for Autoscale to power them on.?
Comment: Just, just only are rarely used in technical writing.? Example for just: just in time, just before I came into the room. "Just" is usually used to modify a time or a moment.
Before: UPM implements the feature by assignng each concurrent session of a user a copy of the Outlook OST file.
After:?This feature assigns a copy of the Outlook OST file to each concurrent session for a user.
Reason: J: UPM implements XXX sounds stilted. Me: omitting the UPM ... don't have any impact on the meaning also it shortened the sentences. Instead of saying product XXX we can directly say the feature XXX?
Before: DaaS cooperates with App-V servers to deliver and manage packages.
After:??DaaS works with App-V servers to deliver and manage packages.
Reason: Avoid personification.
Before: The issue occurs if you are using XXX which is upgraded to version 2204.
Edit 1: The issue occurs if you are using XXX after upgrading to XXX 2204.
Reason: If which is used, the logic is wrong.
Edit 2: The issue occurs after upgrading to XXX 2204.
Reason: "if you are using XXX" can be omitted without losing the meaning. Edit 2 is more clear and more concise.??
Note: Upgrade is a transitive verb but the native speaker often uses it as an intransitive verb.
Before: If?Autoscale is enabled and a restart schedule and Autoscale settings conflict, Autoscale settings take precedence.
Edits 1:?With Autoscale enabled, if a restart schedule conflicts with Autoscale settings, Autoscale settings take precedence.
Reason. To avoid two conditions (if) in one sentence, we can use the collocation of "with ... enabled." 2. Placing "conflicts"?close to the subject makes readers more close to the core part)? Remaining?Issue: Too verbose with three instances of autoscale shown in the sentence.Edits 2: With Autoscale enabled, Autoscale settings override restart schedules when conflicts occur.
Before:?The VDA has read permission?to?the package folder.?
After:?The VDA has read permission on the package folder.
Reason:?Collocation: Grant Read permission to the User Group. Set the Traverse Folder permission on a folder does not automatically set the Execute File permission on all files within that folder.
Before: Previously, to enable?profile Management to automatically reattach VHDX disks in sessions, you had to?
After:?Previously, to have Profile Management automatically reattach VHDX disks in sessions, you had to ...
Reason: I guess it's because using have can omit the "to" so that make the sentence more concise.?
Before:?With the?Automatically reattach VHDX disks in?sessions?feature, Profile Management ensures the high stability of VHDX-based policies.
After: With the?Automatically reattach VHDX disks in?sessions feature, Profile Management ensures a high level of stability of VHDX-based policies.
Comment: 用a似乎更加的道，因为这个level 不是一个我知你也知的level. 如果不加high，则可以写成the stability.
Before:?The?Folders to mirror?policy ensures integrity of transactional folders during profile synchronization.
After:?The?Folders to mirror?policy ensures the integrity of transactional folders during profile synchronization.
Comment: 多加了the。读来得确是顺一些，多体会吧！
Before: However, in a transactional folder, files in it are associated, and the entire folder must be synchronized as a whole.
After: However, in a transactional folder, files are associated, and? Profile Management synchronizes the entire folder.
Final:?However, in a transactional folder, files are associated, and Profile Management must synchronizes the entire folder to avoid? integrity issues.
Editing comment:?Careful when using “must,” especially when followed by passive voices: it’s not clear whether must means you’re telling me to do something, or if you’re stating a dependency.
My comment: 这是一段overview原理描述，意图是想说明为什么要同步整个目录。所以，must不可少。但基于editor给出must后使用被动态，不易理解。所以我采纳editor的部分建议，用了主动态。同时为了保证内容通顺，加了点信息。另外，files in it中的in it是多余，已经写清了是in a transactional folder.
Before:?Files that are modified in more than one session are overwritten by the last update. Profile changes might be lost.
After: Files that are modified in more than one session are overwritten by the latest update and profile changes might be lost.
Comments: 加and这个做法值得学习。因为原文中上下两句是有关联的，如果单独两个句子，关联性就弱化了很多。
Before: In the **List of folders to mirror** field, type the list of folders that you want to mirror in the format of relative paths to the user store. Use `Enter` to separate folders.
After:?In the **List of folders to mirror** field, type the list of folders that you want to mirror in the format of relative paths to the user store. Type `Enter` to separate folders.
Comment: 用词的准确性！用Type后，更为明确。Use太泛！
Before: When the profile bloat issue occurs, enable deletion of stale cookies on user logoff.
After: If profile bloat issue occurs, enable deletion of stale cookies on user logoff.
Comments: The issue does not necessarily happen.
Before: as documented in the [Microsoft article](https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/windows-server/administration/windows-commands/gpupdate).
After:?as documented in this [Microsoft article](https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/windows-server/administration/windows-commands/gpupdate).
Comments: 更明确
Before: cookies from the sessions are merged while index.dat is synchronized with the one from the last logoff session
After:?cookies from the sessions are merged while the index.dat file is synchronized with the one from the last logged off session
Before: applicable only to versions earlier than Windows 10 version 1703
After: applicable only to Windows 10 version 1607 and earlier
Before:?The following shows you the user interfaces associated with the Citrix ITSM services:
After:?The following section?shows you the user interfaces associated with the Citrix ITSM services:
Reason: Use a noun after a pronoun such as this, that, these, those. This rule also applies to "the following".?
Before:? If you have more Citrix Cloud accounts to manage, repeat steps 1–3 respectively.
After:? If you have more Citrix Cloud accounts to manage, repeat steps 1–3 for each.
Reason: The adverb 'respectively' is often used incorrectly by non-native English speakers. Respectively means separately and in the order already mentioned. For example,?The values of X, Y, and Z were 8.7, 9.8, and 5.6, respectively.
Before:?If you have multiple Citrix Cloud accounts to manage, add your ServiceNow information to all of them.
After:?If you have multiple Citrix Cloud accounts to manage, add your ServiceNow information to each.
Reason: All of them --> each of them --> each. The use of each makes the expression more concise and precise.
Before:?Which alerts and notifications are shown in?Alerts &Notifications?menu varies depending on your administrator's settings.
After:?Your administrator's settings determine which alerts and notifications are shown in?Alerts &Notifications?menu.
Reason: To be ESL friendly, don't start sentences with 5 W (What, which...)
Before:?Your ServiceNow instance creates a ServiceNow incident for each event?automatically.
After:?Your ServiceNow instance automatically creates a ServiceNow incident for each event.
Reason: Put adv near and before the verbs or phrases it modifies. This rule will reduce misunderstanding when there're a verb and phrases in a single sentence.?
Before:? To change settings of the incidents created for events from Citrix ADM, follow these steps:
After:? To change settings for the incidents created for Citrix ADM events, follow these steps:
Reason: 1. 将of 改为for, --需要再好好体会 ，of 是属性，for是针对。2. 后半部分for, and from, 如果read out，会觉得这个句子很生涩很绕，所以在这种情况下，可以把from后半部分，直接做定语放在event前。
Before:?users are identified using usernames and domain names.
After:?users are identified by usernames and domain names.
Reason: 虽然在技术写作中建议用using代替by, through等介词可让句子表达更明确，但在这里，太多use相关变化词，所以用by更自然。
Before:?Werecommend you enable this setting in the laptop environment. A laptop can beremoved from the domain after the first logon. So, user profiles mustbe fully synced to the laptop on the first logon.
After:??Werecommend you enable this setting in laptop environments. Laptops can beremoved from the domain after the first logon. As a result, user profiles mustbe fully synced to the laptop on the first logon.
Reason: `So` can't make a smooth transition between the two consecutive sentences but As a result or therefore?can, although they have the similar meaning in Chinese: 因此。
Therefore: used to introduce the logical result of sth that has just been mentioned. As a result, consequently, for that reason.?So, when used as the conj, it has the meaning of show the reason for sth, show the result of sth. But, I feel it's less strong.
Before:?#cn# often contains white spaces, punctuations, or nationallanguage characters
After:?#cn# often contains white spaces, punctuation marks, or nationallanguage characters
Reason: Punctuation is singular noun. It means the marks used n writing that divide sentences and phrases; the system of using these marks.?
Before:?We recommend you enable this setting in desktopOS environments where non-administrator users also need to administer the machine.
After:We recommend you enable this setting in desktopOS environments where non-administrator users also need to have the administrator permissions to the machine.
Reason: Martin给出的理由是Administer是管理众多的对象，对于一台machine这么一件小东西，不适合。Collocaton
Before:?Starting profile deletion immediately wastes IOPS if the machine will be deleted.
After: Starting profile deletion immediately wastes IOPS for machines that will be deleted..
Reason: 改得挺妙的，细细体会就可感知。
Before: Write certain protected areas of the registry.
After: Write to certain protected areas of the registry.
Reason: Collocation: 记住便好。write可vi可vt。但在写入registry时，习惯上就用write to.
Before: The setting must contain only the path to the template profile and must not contain any file name.
After: The setting must contain only the path to the template profile and not contain any file name.
Reason: 无需重复.
Verify that the log file path is configured correctly and that there is no network connection problem.? //Error message里对ESL友好些，不象文档要friendly，偏向口语化。
Before:?Windows provides two processing modes for user Group Policy: synchronous and asynchronous. Windows uses a registry value to indicate the processing mode for the next user login. If the registry value doesn’t exist, Windows applies synchronous mode. The registry value is a machine-level setting and doesn’t roam with users. Thus, in the following situations, any asynchronous mode setting will be missing and not applied on the next user logon:
- Users log on to different machines- Users Log on to the same machine where the Delete cache profile policy is enabled
With this policy enabled, Citrix Profile Management lets the registry value roam with users. As a result, the processing mode setting roams with users and is applied on user logons.
For the asynchronous mode to take effect on Windows Servermachines, you also need to install the Remote DesktopSession Host role and set the following Group Policies: Computer Config | Admin Templates | System | Logon | Always wait for the network at computer startup and logon – Disabled Computer Config | Admin Templates | System | Group Policy | Allow asynchronous user Group Policy processing when logging on through Remote Desktop Services – Enabled
After:??Windows provides two processing modes for user Group Policy:synchronous and asynchronous. Windows uses a registry value to determine the processing mode for the next user logon.If the registry value doesn’t exist, synchronous mode is applied. The registryvalue is a machine-level setting and doesn’t roam with users. Thus, asynchronous mode will not be applied on the next logonif users:
-? Log on to different machines.
-? Log on to the same machine where the Delete locally cached profiles on logoff policy is enabled.?
With this policy enabled, Citrix ProfileManagement lets the registry value roam with users. As a result, processing mode is applied each time users logon.?
For asynchronous mode to take effect on Windows Servermachines, make sure that you install the Remote Desktop Session Host role and set the Group Policies as follows: Computer Config | Admin Templates | System | Logon | Always wait for the network at computer startup and logon: Disabled Computer Config | Admin Templates | System | Group Policy | Allow asynchronous user Group Policy processing when logging on through Remote Desktop Services: Enabled
Reading series:
-【Learn from Edits】Articles（II）
-【Learn from Edits】Articles（III）